It was a daily routine, walk to the train station, put in headphones and enjoy the somewhat calming ride to school. The train came to a soft stop when it reached the station which was unusual, but didn't bother her. Monica walked in to the train and made her way to the middle of the car as quickly as possible.
She held the pole and closed her eyes as an Eisley song came on. The man in front of her had got up and Monica, was a little bit surprised to get a seat so early in the ride. She had prepared herself to sit, but she decided to turn and glance to see if someone else needed to seat.
Monica saw a woman who looked to be about 50, she glanced down at the seat "Would you like to sit?" the woman smiled in return and made her way to the seat in front of Monica. Monica looked up at the digital clock on the train, 8:17. The train stopped at 86th street, the train had quickly filled with more people that it had the capacity to hold.
Monica didn't seem to mind, she scrolled through her songs and clicked on Tegan and Sara. A man to her left had fit himself in to a non-existent space. Monica watched as the man attempted to set down the large bag he was carrying. She didn't want to cause a scene, so she placed her ipod in her pocket and tapped the man with her now free hand. He looked at her, "Sir maybe next time you should consider a smaller bag, or possibly and earlier train?" Monica smiled at the man then turned up her music and waited for her stop.
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Jacara- Your story seemed to be of an average girl and I like how in the end you show that she says what she feels to the man with the large bag, as you said in your title, she doesn't like to make a big deal out of it but she expresses her thoughts freely.
ReplyDeleteYoyoyoyoyoyo Jacaraaaa
ReplyDeleteYour story to me seems to say that it's cool to be polite to some people but then rude again. I don't know if this is what your trying to portray but this is what I got. I thought that your character was kind of rude which is not like my character who is actually a good person. I did like the beginning where she was nice to the elderly lady rather than taking the seat.
Cool story Jacara. I liked how your character seemed a bit like that innocent person who just tries to help. She starts off by offering the seat, but I think when she tells the guy the take an earlier train, she does it to be nice, but doesn’t understand that the guy probley already knows that, which shows the innocence. Overall I thought it was a thought out story.
ReplyDeleteI liked how simple this girl is. Very chill and not afraid to share her opinion. I wouldn't say she was rude like Yaz suggested. Rather outspoken but in a soft tone. Like Amanda o_o. haha am I right?
ReplyDelete-Esther
if this person was some thing else i think they would be like water. they are very calm and never really try to make a big conflict and simply go with the flow and take the simple route. have you read the tao te ching or doa de jing( same thing just poepel say it differnt) but you said she didnt want to start a conflict. is this you on the train i know that feeling looking at the clock i really can connect here! great job
ReplyDeleteEisley... I remember "Telescope Eyes"... I'm glad somebody else likes that band.
ReplyDeleteI think it's interesting how Monica's "coolness" is inflated by her taste in music. It makes me think that social status is determined solely by class and consumer choices.
I find that these stories (mine especially) cannot substantiate coolness without throwing in a few corporate slogans or consumer tags.
It's interesting to observe how capitalism has become to deeply ingrained in our collective perception of "cool". Do you think the concept of "cool" would even exist in a stateless, classless and MONEYless society?
Thanks for making me think. As always, I enjoy your writing. :) <3