Hw 36- Comments

To Ian:

Thesis: A hero's journey is a blue print in which corporations and governments use to control the masses.

Revised: Often, the path that a hero takes is pioneered, processed and given to the preformers of cool.

First Paragraph: hoildays are days in which poeple do actions and try there best to mmake there lives for that day match a pictuer they seen in a coloring book or some thing. there is never that much of a surprise in the sense that your day should be like xyz what ever that might mean if it is gifts , candy , giving money , fire works or what ever there is a preconviced notion on how the day should play out any thing less sucks.

Revised: Holidays are times when people dress up and imitate something that seems much cooler than they actually are. Its almost as if life has been dumbed down to something so simple that it seems like our days have little to no meaning at all. It really is something to think about. Why has pretending become a hobby?

Thoughts: I think that Ian's paper is interesting and it has great tone and an awesome topic. I just think that his ideas should be a little bit clearer for the reader. Otherwise, it's am awesome start and an interesting paper.

To Francesca: Okay so what I'm getting is that you're focusing on how teens are often targeted to project this image of cool. I agree. I think that you opened up your paper well. I like the questions but maybe you should save them for when the reader has had more time to adjust to what you're getting at. Your intro should just state your thesis, something like: teens are used to project the image of "cool". You have some great ideas maybe you should tie in moew images of cool and how we can possibly escape the trap? Good start.